Big Foot was my Room-mate

One of my room-mates at the University of Minnesota was from a very rural town up in the Iron Range - Cook. At some point he got it into his head to get himself an ape costume so that when he was back visiting home, he could pop out of the woods just as some car was going by, then race across the road so that they would get a fleeting glimpse of a large hairy man-like figure in their rear view mirror. I can't say that I thought much of the ape costume he eventually got, but he got it at a discount for about ten bucks and it served it's purpose. He says that he caused more than a few cars to veer wildly.

So, for the record: If you were driving in Northern Minnesota in 1997 and saw bigfoot - well, you did, and his name is Jed.

Without a doubt many Big Foot sightings are, in fact, guys in furry suits like my old college Room-mate Jed. People in the country get very, very bored and dressing up in ape suits to make people believe they're seeing Big Foot is just one of the things they do to entertain themselves. Another thing, of course, is to drink lots and lots - which, come to think of it, might be another reason people tend to sight Big Foot way out in the country.

So, the number one explanation for Big Foot is: Fakery. And I think I hinted at number two, which would be hallucination or confabulation under the influence of something or other. Crystal Meth is pretty big around these parts so I'm guessing that on your third or fourth day awake with the Meth pipe you might see a lot of Big Feet (and elves and unicorns and hippies in the trees).

Third explanation is mistaken sightings. Something looked like Big Foot to you, like perhaps a bear or a big hairy hunter. Something. But not the 'real' Big Foot.

Number fout on my list is the one given by supposed psychic ghost-talker-to Sylvia Brown. She says that Big Foot is actually an Eastern entity called a 'Chulpa' which is a creature that starts in the mind but is made real through the act of conscious creation. Sounds pretty crazy to me, but I won't dismiss it out of hand. If you know anything about quantum physics you know about the uncomfortable relationship between consciousness/observation and reality. Personally, I think sub-atomic particles are actually Chulpas since quantum physisists look for them so hard, they ultimately create them. My theory, only.

Finally, last theory: There is a real Big Foot and he's really out there. Okay, I don't buy it. You'd think with all the sightings some hunters would eventually stumble onto a dead Big Foot sooner or later. Actually, you'd think they'd come back with Big Foot meat every single hunting trip. But they don't, do they?

Big Foot proponents say that this is because Big Feet bury their own dead. Well, you know what? Even the Mafia doesn't hide their bodies that well. You're saying that these huge clumsy Gorillas are better at it then they are? C'mon!

About the Author

Steve Sommers is the author of Rexroi, and Evil Super-Villains Need Love, Too ... and other important wisdom (www.lulu.com/abeautifulcow) He's also the author of Breakfast with the Antichrist (Amazon)